Speaking of monikers, the other day a few of the Bama-favoring lab rats thought it would be downright hysterical to bring up the pervasive topic of ridiculous Auburn football player names. Laughter ensued as various pronunciations of Obomanu and Aromashodu were tossed around, not that I can blame them. Heck, even Tubby couldn’t decide whether to say “Obama’s Emu” or “Oh Bama Boo”. Then, in a total perversion of anything manly, a co-worker mentioned that Auburn linebacker Karibi Dede sounded like a character from Star Wars, a statement to which everyone guffawed in delight. Now, I understand that computer labs are going to house some of earth’s nerdiest. But mixing football and Star Wars—no, this just cannot come to pass. It’s as if Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer decided to settle their differences over a game of badminton. It just shouldn’t happen. Ever.

Well, maybe not so much. I got to thinking about it, and while I’ll admit that Auburn has had their share of oddly-named players, Alabama isn’t just a collection of Bills and Johns either. So what better way to celebrate God’s gift of creativity to UA mothers everywhere than to envision their children in one of man’s greatest cinematic franchises. I present to you the cast of Star Wars: Got No Hope.