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by Mark
11-2-06
It’s now becoming clear that Louisville is the main team standing between Auburn and the national championship. Considering their schedule and how we were told Auburn’s schedule kept them out of the game in 04, I don’t know if this is irony or just really stupid. In 2004, people’s biggest argument against us is that Auburn played The Citadel one Saturday. Auburn defeated a part of the US military – the greatest fighting force in the world, and nobody respected the win, proving that every coach and AP voter who voted us #3 hates America. That’s a fact.
Louisville looks like they’ll make it to the national championship game because they’re undefeated. However, though they’ve only had one win over a ranked team (and that team had zero wins over ranked teams). So why should Louisville be ranked #3 and eventually #2 after the Ohio State - Michigan game? People say because they’re undefeated.
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Here’s a spoon.
It’s also undefeated. Should it go to the BCS championship game? I haven’t been defeated by a college football team this season, so using ESPN logic; I’m declaring myself the #1 team in the country. |
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[[[Stepping away from my pro-Auburn pro-awesomeness nationalistic arguments, ESPN is completely valid for hyping Louisville, West Virginia and Rutgers. The more sportsfans there are, the more money ESPN makes. ESPN doesn’t need to waste a single breath praising an SEC team since we’re going to follow our teams no matter what. By hyping Louisville, they’re encouraging more people to follow Louisville and therefore ESPN. Anyhow - back to emotion filled ranting, AKA, journalism.]]]
Many people, including Auburn fans, got mad at Tuberville when he spoke up against the BCS in favor of playoffs the week leading up to the Arkansas game. He said it’s nearly impossible for an SEC team to get though it’s schedule unblemished. It tuned out he was right.
Evil doers may tell you “Auburn hasn’t looked impressive this season”, but their arguments just aren’t valid. Sure, Brandon Cox hasn’t put up huge numbers. Our defense has trouble making tackles at times. These things give the illusion that we haven’t looked impressive this season. However, Auburn has an x-factor that redeems every last one of their imperfections; Tommy Tuberville’s cajones.
Here’s a scene that’s played out a dozen times this season:
Eddie Gran: Tommy, it’s fourth down. We’re winning by a small margin. We have the best punter in the nation.
Tommy Tuberville: Let’s go for it!
Eddie Gran: Are you sure? This is a risky move on fourth down…
Tommy Tuberville: Oh right, I forgot Put in Tre Smith to block for the running back. Go for it.
Result: First down Auburn.
| Tuberville
has been awe inspiringly risky this season and that’s what’ll
take the team to Arizona. He’s employed the same tactic George Costanza
used in that Seinfeld episode where he does everything to the opposite
of reason – resulting in a hot girlfriend and a job with the Yankees.
This season, Tuberville lost a $15,000 laptop. Did he beg forgiveness
from his boss? No. He joked about it. He talks to the media like he’s
a dictator. He makes crazy play calls that defy all logic and reason and
it’s all working out for him. |
In conclusion,
go ahead and buy those nonrefundable tickets to Arizona. Tommy Tuberville
can do no wrong this season, you can either side with him now or be crushed
by his totalitarian rule after Auburn’s crowned national champions.
E-mail mark at
mark@theauburner.com
