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by Mark
9-24-06
 Why does he wear warm clothing when it's 85 degrees outside? |
Buffalo
didn’t receive any razzle-dazzle from the Auburn Tigers. Why?
Because Buffalo wasn’t worthy of razzle-dazzle from the Auburn
Tigers. Did you honestly think that Buffalo would actually be destroyed
with plays from Al’s Borglicious playbook? No way. If you noticed,
he was calling plays from the back of an Italian dressing soaked napkin
from Momma Goldberg’s. However, it looks like some people haven’t changed and actually called for Cox to be benched during Buffalo’s massacre (due to performance, not chance of injury). Once again, Cox performance against Buffalo was very vanilla because Buffalo wasn’t worthy of an Auburn mangling. No need to drop an atomic bomb when a sizable rock will do the job. Florida wasted an amazing flea-flicker play against Kentucky. Big deal. We let our 2nd string safety / 32nd string running back run over Kentucky. We’ll save the trick plays for delusional teams who actually believe they can beat us. |
Remember, we
only put up 33 against The Citadel in 2004.
YOU’VE
BEEN BORGINATED!!!!!!!
I hope you didn’t actually think Al Borges would give Buffalo’s players the honor of being able to tell their grandkids,
“I played against President Irons back in college.”
How naive are you?
Brandon Cox is a beast of a quarterback. He’s lost to exactly ONE SEC TEAM (LSU – and it was in overtime). He’s gigaclutch, and like Jason Campbell, will come through during tough times. Doubting Cox’s arm is doubting Borges’ kingmaking ability – never a good idea.
Noseguards are usually hard to notice during a game. I haven’t really formed an opinion of Josh Thompson because frankly, you don’t notice when one’s doing a good job. In the third play of the Buffalo game, he jumped early and shoved Buffalo’s center so hard, the center fell backwards, causing a domino effect which knocked over the quarterback and running back. I don’t know, I thought that was pretty cool and worth the 5 yard penalty. He won more points when interviewed on the jumbotron at halftime and sang part of a Tenacious D song. Awesome. Auburn has found Jake Slaughter’s replacement as the team’s cliché fun loving meat-head.
I’ve been very impressed with Auburn’s offensive line this season. Nerdy football fans always respect offensive linemen, because those were the football players humble enough not to give nerdy types any flack back in Jr. High.
I think their humility stems back to their very first day of pee-wee football practice.
This is what I imagine a Pee-Wee football coach telling his O-Line the first day of practice:
Pee Wee Coach: “Ok, you five are this team’s offensive line. Since you’re only six years old, and we have no tapes to review, you’re an offensive lineman because you’re the five fattest kids on the team. Your primary goal in life is to protect our quarterback, my son Joseph. Joseph is much, much, smarter than you kids. He is more valuable to this team than all of you combined, so you need to do your best to protect him. Every football practice you attend for the rest of your lives will revolve around learning new ways of sacrificing your bodies to make quarterbacks look better.” |
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In conclusion, here are some facts about our running backs I obtained from Saturday’s game:
Carl Stewart
is a good receiver.
Brad Lester is FAST.
Our fifth string running back looks like Bo Jackson on the field.
and
Tre’ Smith had a good dae’ *
I caught the last part of the fourth quarter and overtime of the “We (barely) Beat Vanderbilt Bowl”
Hey, Alabama defensive end Wallace Gilberry, what did you think about the game?
"We could have slit their throats and we didn't,"
Well, yes, we know you could have slit their throats but chose not to. Your coaches are all very thankful for that. Unfortunately, you couldn’t beat Arkansas at a game of American football. Nobody is questioning your thugness.
I wonder what it’s like to be ranked below Rutgers.
[Warning: I’m about to say something positive about Alabama’s quarterback, Sarah Jessica Karr. The faint of heart and pregnant may want to quit reading now]
During Alabama’s final drive, she threw a ball towards a receiver and one of Arkansas' defenders at the line of scrimmage deflected it. Karr had the right of mind to catch the deflected ball and THROW IT AGAIN. Granted, the Bama receiver didn’t catch it due to being a loser Alabama player, but still, I thought the impromptu two-throw play was pretty cool. It was also flagged as an illegal move, but that rule needs to change.
WAR EAGLE!
*Do you have
any idea how long I’ve been waiting on him to have a good day so I could
use that absolutely hilarious joke?
E-mail mark at
mark@theauburner.com
