Rudy Analysis
by Mark
5-4-06

For the most part, sport movies aren’t usually the best movies. They’re predicable, sappy, and the endings are usually predictable. There are plenty of exceptions, but the only decent sports movies I can think of at the moment are Rocky I-IV and The Waterboy. While there are probably worse sports movies out there, the most overrated movie without a doubt is “Rudy”. If you don’t know about the movie, here’s the synopsis from imdb.com:

“Rudy grew up in a steel mill town where most people ended up working, but wanted to play football at Notre Dame instead. There were only a couple of problems. His grades were a little low, his athletic skills were poor, and he was only half the size of the other players. But he had the drive and the spirit of 5 people and has set his sights upon joining the team.”

When the synopsis says he joined the team, what it really means is he was a tackling dummy in practice who didn’t see playing time. He didn’t deserve any playing time because he wasn’t any good. He was trying to do something that it wouldn’t be possible in the first place.

The movie never addresses why Rudy is a defensive end, a position usually designated to the quickest and beastliest members of the team (i.e. Quentin Groves, Marquise Gunn, Bobby Boucher). Football organizers specifically created the kicking positions for small scrawny guys who really wanted to call themselves football players, but Rudy doesn’t even attempt kicking.

I have no idea why people call this movie inspirational. I’ve heard two or three sermons where this movie has been cited as an example of perseverance. People don’t seem to realize that when Rudy got to play at the end of his last eligible game, he was only allowed to play out of pity! He was actually hurting the team when he was allowed to play… working hard so people feel sorry for you and let you play is not a reward for perseverance.

The message of the film is deplorable. It says that if you’re short, if you’re not very intelligent and if you come from a working class family, your ONLY shot at success is through the pity of those ‘superior’ to you.

I think this movie could be classified as a Nerd-xploitation film (a word I’ve just now invented).

I’m more optimistic than the creators of this Rudy. I think everyone is capable of their own legitimate successes. If movie producers want to make a football movie about a short, funny looking weird guy with no natural athletic talent, they should defiantly make one about Al Borges.

Al Borges, Auburn’s offensive coordinator, stands at around 5’7”, he’s bald, overweight and when Tommy Tuberville first hired him in 2004, most Auburn fans and almost every sports writer (except one) doubted the hire. Thirteen wins and a Morale National Championship later, Al Borges had figuratively punched all naysayer’s in the face. Unlike Rudy, Al Borges is actually talented despite looking like the Pillsbury Doughboy. He also has a hot wife. If I recall correctly, Rudy couldn’t even get a date.

Here’s a picture Al Borges with Ryan and myself. We shamelessly asked for a picture with him in New Orleans a couple of nights before the Sugar Bowl. His wife took the picture, at that point I thought it was his daughter, but no, it was his wife.

Here’s a quick, somewhat relevant, side story while on the topic of New Orleans and attractive women with older guys:

While in New Orleans, Jacob and I were walking down the street. Jacob turned to me and said “Check out that hot girl with that really old guy”. Upon further inspection, the really old guy was Dennis Quaid (better known as Randy Quaid’s brother). Crazy stuff.

Anyways…. ‘Rudy’ makes a big deal about how hard Rudy has to work to be admitted into Notre Dame since he has academic problems, but nobody wonders aloud that maybe Rudy is struggling in class because he spends three hours every afternoon having daily concussions given to him at football practice.

A lot of recent movies like this have featured women. Have you seen Million Dollar Baby? Apparently, if you’re a waitress in your 30s, the only way to turn your life around and make something of yourself is to become a… female boxer?

I’m not trying to knock the Rudy- the actual guy. He was able to graduate from college and work his way through despite plenty of people telling him he wasn’t smart enough. That’s all commendable; he was also a marine before he went to Notre Dame, which is way more commendable than getting playing time on a football team out of pity. One troubling piece of information I just found on the internet is that Rudy himself actually went to the movie studios to have his story made into a movie. It was HIS idea to have a feature length film made about that one time he played for 30 seconds in a game that didn’t matter in the 1970s. I can’t believe it worked! I should encourage Ryan to try to have an HBO miniseries made about the time he intercepted a pass from Chris Leak in high school.

I guess my main point here is that America needs an Al Borges movie…. or at least a Rudy Johnson movie…. or maybe one on the autistic kid who scored all those points in that high school basketball game.

E-mail mark at mark@theauburner.com