Scarborough Fair
by Mark
12-16-06

Player Hater.

Last week, Joe Scarborough, the host of MSNBC's "Scarborough Country" went onto Paul Finebaum's radio program to talk about Alabama's coaching search. During the interview, Scarborough called Tommy Tuberville a "middle aged loser". Since Scarborough graduated from Alabama, it's doubtful he came to this conclusion through deep analysis of Tuberville's actions - but through some deep seeded jealousy. Tommy Tuberville and Joe Scarborough have much in common. They're hard working, they're both from the south and they're both very financially successful. The similarities end there. The gaps in his logic can be hilarious.

Here's a direct quote from his interview about what he asks for in a new coach;

"Win us three national championships in the next five or six years and that's all we're going to ask of you"

That wasn’t a joke, he was completely serious. What’s even more hilarious is that he’s had a TV show for three years and hasn’t beaten Bill O’Reilly a single time. However, I do admit that Scarborough has the better show (That’s not saying much… the Mike Shula Show was better than The O’Reilly Factor)

Later he says;

"Alabama football has a terrible reputation among coaches…" Finally, he becomes reasonable. It's unfortunate he thinks the bad reputation comes from the losing precedent set by Mike Shula. He doesn't realize that demanding a coach to win three NCs in five years or be fired is laughable.

“If Bear Bryant had seen one of his players hold up 4 fingers of 5 fingers…[some random quote about how great Bama was before I was born]... Bryant would've gone over and slapped him in the back of his helmet… it was always about the players it was always about students it was always about making them better people, it was all about building their character...Bear wouldn't do it and Tommy Tuberville shouldn't do it either.”

For a guy who keeps insisting Alabama needs to go back to a “Junction Boys” mentality, it’s pretty funny to see him and Alabama fans so insulted by players showing fingers. This is exactly why Tuberville does it.

If anything, showing fingers is a sign of respect. Auburn players didn’t lift up eight fingers after beating Mississippi State this year because Auburn players don’t see that as a big deal. Beating Alabama five years in a row is a major feat, and Auburn coaches and players celebrate that fact accordingly. Grow up, Scarborough.

I tried to keep a tally of the number of times he used the words “class” and “bear” in the interview but I lost count at around twenty.

He grew up with money, he became a lawyer. He then became a member of the house of representatives as one of those Bob Riley type republicans who operated under the idea that if you look and sound like Ronald Regan, you can spend as much of the taxpayers money as you want and nobody will notice. He later quit because of family problems and then landed a TV show on MSNBC which he uses to fuel the fires of hatred between republicans and democrats in order to increase his level of fame. Tommy Tuberville grew up poor in Arkansas (according to Finebaum). He lived in a trailer after graduating college. He worked hard. Because of clean living and hard work, he’s a multimillionaire, he has a hot wife, he has a rewarding job teaching over a hundred young men who view him as a father figure and he also provides hours and hours of entertainment to millions of people. It’s the American dream.

Auburn fans have a bad habit of making fun of Alabama's 'sidewalk alumni' – fans who aren't associated with the university they cheer for. Many of them have ‘low level’ jobs, but they’re necessary low level jobs that end up benefiting society. The real danger emerges from the successful Alabama alumni such as Roy Moore, Guy Hunt, Don Seigleman and Joe Scarborough. Each of these men has developed successful careers by exploiting those dumber than they are.

We should all be thankful Auburn doesn’t have a law school.

If you got the reference made in the title of this article, stop hugging trees and get a daggum job.

E-mail mark at mark@theauburner.com