Ole Miss thoughts that are so late that nobody should even care anymore.
11-08-09
by: Mark


Ok. This settles it. I like you now.

Just like last year, the effect of having everyone wear navy at a football game doesn't really have the same effect as the usual orange.

I'd like to see some statistics concerning pedestrians being hit by cars around SEC campuses on gameday. Is the number lower at Auburn since most wear road-hazard-orange shirts when walking around before and after games? Are the numbers higher at South Carolina or Georgia? Has Mark Richt inadvertently killed anybody with his “invisible pedestrian” blackouts?

The thing about the orange that makes the “all orange” games so cool is that it really stands out to the television cameras. Unfortunately, the loud shirts are exactly what keep me from wearing them very often outside gameday.

I'm disappointed that nobody in the student section dressed up like the blue man given that it was Halloween and the instructions to navy ourselves. Extra points would've been awarded to anyone wearing a Tobias mustache.

Usually, I disapprove when when I see someone dressed up in an elaborate costume or carrying a sign that has absolutely nothing to do with the football game. However, seeing green man at any game makes me happy.

I'd like to see a team entrance video that doesn't use the word “time”.. they all use a variation of “It Is Time”, “Now is the Time” etc. There's nothing wrong with using the word, but I think it would be an solid challenge for a video editor to try to make one of these without using the 'time' crutch.
When I asked people about the “defensive delay of game” penalty Auburn received against Ole Miss, I was given an array of answers. Popular ones were that defensive players took too long to line up and it was an alternate penalty to an offsides. Others said that a defensive player may have taken too long to give the ref the ball back. One person suggested that Gene Chizik spent so long chewing out the referee on a blown playcall that the referee decided to penalize Auburn – but didn't think Chizik's fit was severe enough to warrant a personal foul penalty.

That last theory actually made the most sense to me and made me realize that Chizik may have forgotten to assign a crucial role when assembling his all-star coaching staff.

Every football coach needs to have an assistant coach to 'hold him back' when he starts yelling at referees. It's part of a coaches job to yell at referees, but as a man, a coach cannot visibly back down on by on will. That would look like a sign of submission to the referee – which is unacceptable.

The coach needs a guy who will grab him by the arms and pull the coach back to the sidelines. That way, the coach shows he's mad, but doesn't end up maiming anybody just to show that he's a man.

In the previous administration, this man was Don Dunn. He was perfect for the role based on his complete lack of emotion. In this infamous fit thrown by Tuberville during the 07 Florida game, the role of the 'hold me back guy' was filled by Will Muschamp. Whenever Will Muschamp is utilized as a voice of reason, a very loud, scary and awesome message is sent.

I nominate Ted Roof or Tracy Rocker to be Chizik's 'hold me back guy'.

In conclusion, here's a real picture that a real person actually made, to sell, without trying to be ironic;



How many of your fantasies involve wood paneling?

War eagle.


E-mail Mark at mark@theauburner.com