|
Part II
by Ryan
2-7-07
 |
Kris
Layton Junior Elementary Education Click here to listen to Kris's Love song: Heck No Techno |
Kris Layton,
Top of the morning to you, my precious pixie stick. I’ve been keeping a close eye on the Miss Auburn Elections are you are downright gorgeous. My name is Ryan Stephens, but you can call me “Greatest Thing That Ever Happened to You.” Typically, that’s all I would tell you about myself, but you’re special, so I’ll give you the details. I’m a senior (kind of) Mechanical Engineer, but I’m not the type of engineer that has no life… just kidding, I am.
Anyways, there’s
more to me than my ability to fix things and my immunity to pop-culture. I
also avoid the norm with my musical stylings as well. That’s right,
I’m a musician. I’m an underground techno\house-electronic/dance~groove
artist, also known as “DJ Rico.” They play my stuff in a lot of
vampire movies. I attached a picture of my album cover. I’m the guy
grey beanie in front of that brick wall. Don’t worry, I don’t
really look like an oil painting, that was merely an effect to make me look
groovy. Fear not though, I am clearly defined in real life.
I also attached my hit song “Heckno Techno” with this letter. The song is about you, if you can’t tell, and it’s pretty much my way of describing what is going down in my heart. You might want to put on a seatbelt because my beats are so thumping that people generally tend to completely lose control of their booty.
Let me go ahead and get this off my chest. Even though you are a beautiful, popular lady with ambitions and goals, and I’m merely a technical prodigy with very little experience outside of… well, little experience being outside at all, I think it would be pretty freakin’ awesome if you would let me take you out for a plate of BBQ at Mike and Ed’s for Valentine’s Day. So Whaddya say? We can talk about how we can fix up Auburn and stuff. Well, I’m looking forward to hearing back from you and good luck with the Miss Auburn Elections!
WAR EAGLE!
Ryan “DJ Rico” Stephens
 |
Mary
Gentry Junior Pharmacy Click here to listen to Mary's Love song: Sucka |
Mary Lindsey Gentry,
Yo yo yoooo, my sweet thang. I am a huge fan of the Miss Auburn Elections, and you are off the chain, girl. The name on my birth certificate is Ryan Stephens, but you can call me “Your Dream(s) Come True.” I know all sorts of shizzle about you, so it’s only fair that I drop you a few phat facts about myself. Check it out, I’m a 4th year mechanical enginizzle. But that doesn’t mean that I’m a pranksta. I blast away problems with my nine - my TI-89, that is. I hate it when I have to act-a-fool.
But let’s cut to the chase honey-baby-darling-child. Another pimp-deisel thang about me is that I have my own record label where I drop bomb tracks. You may have heard of me, my rapper name is Cole Blooded. The radio won’t play my hits because they are so hoppin’ it affects your ability to drive… plus my lyrics are a bit questionable (to put it ambiguously). By the way, who was the punk who decided to make affect and effect different words? Oh snap!
Well I attached
the album cover to my fresh to album “Sucka.” I’m that pimp
behind bars. Impressed? No diggity. I also sent you a track I wrote for you.
It ain’t about you, but it’s in your honor. The song is called
“Sucka” too. My influences are Eminem,
Vanilla Ice, Snow, Fred Durst, and that guy from Smashmouth. Let’s see,
what else… oh yeah, I’ve been shot before.
So listen, boo. I’m going to cut straight to the chase. Don’t hate, let’s go on a date. Oh Snap! That was a bonus free-style for you. You know how we roll here in Auburn! I think it would be mighty sweet of you to let me buy you a giant mound of BBQ at Mike and Ed’s. Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and Cupid has been capping my butt with those funky heart-arrows. So how about it, girl? You… me… Mike…and Ed. We can talk about how we can pimp out Auburn. Do me a favor and holler back and good luck to you with the Miss Auburn campaign!
WAR EAGLE!
Ryan “Cole Blooded” Stephens
