The Florida-Tennessee game seems like it will be a great game according to the polls, since Tennessee is riding the overrated wave after spanking an overrated California team from the USC conference… oops, I mean the Pac-10. Each Pac-10 team that has ever been ranked in the past 3 years can thank USC for giving them any credibility. Without USC, the Pac-10 might as well become Conference USA West. I digress. Tennessee showed a bit of their shaky selves against Air Force last week but will likely take this game a bit more seriously. The AP Poll got it right the first time and Tennessee is actually is the 20th-25th best team in the country. The jury is still out on Florida in my book. Chris Leak is a coin toss on each play. He’ll blow you away on one play and blow up the next. If Leak is as good as the media wants him to be, then Florida is one of the best teams in the country… he still can’t run the option though. I’ll take Florida winning this game convincingly, and everyone will sing praises about how glorious the Gators are for the next two weeks until the Gators put their hands on the table and ready themselves for consecutive paddlings from Alabama, LSU, Auburn and then Georgia. In those four games alone, Florida should be aloud to tote their horn about having the hardest schedule in college football, let alone their games against Tennessee, South Carolina and Florida State as well. Florida will send the Volunteers down about eight spots in the rankings and take the lead in the SEC East race.

Now on to the serious stuff. LSU and Georgia have been our toughest opponents for the past several years, luckily we only have to play one of them this Saturday, but it still isn’t going to be a cakewalk. This game, like most LSU-Auburn games as of late, will come down to special teams. Someone suggested to me that if he were John Vaughn and the game was on the line, he would just blow the game on purpose as a “screw you” to the fans who treated him like crap after last year. To which I responded, “You’re an idiot.” This is what’s going to happen: Auburn is down by 2 and is steadily making its way down the field. Auburn is at the 48 and it is 2nd down and 10 with 2:48 left in the game. John Vaughn runs up to Tommy Tuberville and says, “Let me kick it coach.” To which Tubbs will say, “Ok, John. As soon as we are in field goal range, you’ll get the chance.” John Vaughn looks at Tommy urgently and says “No coach, I want to kick it from here.” Tubbs looks John Vaughn in the eye and JV is totally serious and completely determined. “Are you sure?” Tubbs questions. “I’ve never been so sure in my life, coach” John responds. And in a Disney-Movie-esque fashion, Tommy Tuberville allows John Vaughn to attempt a 65 yard field goal on 2nd down with 2:48 left in the game. John Vaughn will not only kick the ball through, but he will kick it so hard, there will be ripples going through the air like a bullet in the Matrix. No one will ever speak poorly of John Vaughn Van Damme ever again.

What Auburn needs here more than anything else is to make a public statement to the powers that be (the BCS) that we mean business. What would be ideal is if we could beat LSU about 35-10. If we beat them by any more, the media will assume that LSU is a huge flop and we will gain no credit. Much like when we spank anyone (Washington State). If we beat LSU by less, we won’t get enough credit for being as awesome as we are. But none of that matters since the game will be down to the line regardless of how good we play.

So now we have to prepare. We have about 3 days to get over the cold that has been going around so we can be top notch for our first home game in the blistering heat. May I suggest taking Vitamin C tablets with Orange Juice along with Flintstone’s Chewables. That will knock out any illness. Some suggest that’s where Al Borges gets his special powers. Imagine what is going through Borges’ mind right now: he is likely putting together plays so profound and ingenious that they may be able to score touchdowns and cure cancer at the same time. Imagine something along the lines of a reverse flea flicker with Cole Bennett or a Sextuple Option with all our halfbacks in at once!

Tubbs said it himself that they were saving the good stuff for the LSU game. Brad Lester is definitely good enough to get more carries, and I think its time we start flirting with the dual-running back scheme again. Brad and Kenny don’t have specific styles like Carnell and Ronnie did. They are both quick-reacting backs who transform into streaks of blue and white when they see daylight. I wouldn’t call either of them more or less like Cadillac or Ronnie, they both have their own way of making defenses pay for their insolence and poor tackling technique. This is going to be the most intense game of our regular season, I’m going to start sleeping now so I’ll have enough energy to give our players the proper support during the game. I predict Auburn wins a clutch 17-14 battle against the always tough LSU Tigers.
War Eagle!

Ryan can be contacted at ryan@theauburner.com