LSU Preview
10-15-07
by: Ryan


I hate night games. As soon as I wake up around 10:00 and watch Lee Corso and Kirk Herbstreit pick against us (which I am pretty sure is where Tubs draws his strength from), I immediately dip into a very nervous but highly excited state of anticipation and shake uncontrollably until Auburn starts playing. I don’t have the mental stability nor the physical endurance to be antsy for such a long portion of the day. I’m not a doctor, but I would guess that for every night game that Auburn plays, one month is cut off of my lifespan. This game will, however, be very much worth it.

I’m worried about this game… But not in the sense that I am usually worried about a big game. I’m not worried that LSU will make a statement against us and get back in the national title hunt, nor am I worried that my car will be vandalized by LSU fans. Seeing how our defense has played in the big games so far this year, I’m actually worried about what Will Muschamp is going to have our defense do to LSU. Auburn’s defense doesn’t kill people, Will Muschamp’s use of Auburn’s defense kills people. Right now, with the return of Quentin Groves and a healthy Tray Blackmon, Auburn has the best defense in the nation.

If you look at how each team performed last weekend, Auburn goes into this game with the advantage. LSU played an all out offensive battle against Kentucky, showing how vulnerable their defense really is, as well as giving Muschamp all sorts of film to work with. LSU’s offense has been a bit shaky for most the season anyways, there’s no telling how useless they’ll be when Muschamp puts whatever sick and twisted defensive gameplan he’s devised into effect. Auburn on the other hand, showed LSU nothing. If Auburn runs the ball up the middle every down, then LSU might stand a chance of stopping Auburn. I have the strange feeling that Tubs kept the playbook closed for Arkansas just so we could open it for LSU. I look forward to getting a healthy dosage of LSU getting ‘Borged’ this Saturday. I honestly don’t know if my brain will be able to withstand the awesomeness that Auburn will produce of both sides of the ball.

Behold!

I’m sorry to bring this up now, but I have an idea so brilliant I must randomly stick it in the middle of one of my articles. So you know how most superheroes are created on the premise that a human somehow gains the strengths of a specific animal? Think Spiderman, Wolfman, Batman (kinda), etc… Well my new wave of superheroes are the opposite. They are animals that somehow gain the abilities of humans! They gain the ability of logical thought and opposable thumbs! Then it hit me, this might not just be a theory, this might have happened in real life. Who do we know who is almost animalistic in his intensity, but still has the brilliance and ingenuity of the greatest professors and scientists of this world?

As I do with all the really big games (don’t check to see if this is true), I determine who is going to win by accumulating mojo points for each team, since these games are hardly ever determined by the talent levels of each team.

Home Field Advantage: LSU has won 17 in a row at home. Death Valley is probably the hardest place in the country to win in. LSU gets +1 mojo points for dominating in Baton Rouge.

Imperialism: Auburn is better on the road than they are at home. I think Brandon Cox gets a high out of shutting up loud stadiums (that explains the first three games!). Auburn gets +1 mojo points for being a beast on the road.

Momentum: Auburn, since turning point of the season (halftime against New Mexico State) is the hottest team in America. Auburn keeps getting better and better despite an almost endless list of injuries this season. LSU on the other hand, is slowly getting worse with each game. They crushed Virginia Tech at the beginning of the season, then beat a very good South Carolina team, but then should have lost against Florida (but the football gods spared Les Miles one more game before the inevitable fall from an undefeated season), then Kentucky outplayed them in every aspect last weekend. Auburn gives us something new to be excited about with each win. NMSU-Kodi Burns is the future of Auburn, Florida- Brandon Cox is a robot, Vandy- Brad Lester is a mutant (the good kind… with superpowers) and Auburn now has three starting runningbacks, Arkansas- Will Muschamp discovers a way to convert Heisman trophies into crack. Auburn receives +1 mojo points for coming into this game hot.

Revenge Factor: Baton Rouge is not a very happy place right now. They have all sorts of frustrations they need to take out on somebody, namely Auburn. LSU doesn’t lose very often, and hasn’t dropped two in a row since 2002. I doubt they’ve forgotten about Auburn handing them their first loss last year (War Eagle!) and it doesn’t help that they aren’t too content with losing to Kentucky either. LSU gets +1 mojo points for multiple counts for conspiring revenge.

Giant Slayer: You don’t bet against Tubs in big games as the underdog. End of statement. +1 mojo points for Auburn.

Bringing Blues to Baton Rouge: Auburn is brilliant in white. Sadly, LSU is too ashamed of their own colors to wear them at home. LSU gets +1 mojo points for preventing Auburn from wearing their whites.
Score at the end of regulation: 3-3.

Uh oh, we have another tie break! You know what that means! MASCOT FACE OFF!
Since the only thing that can beat a tiger is another tiger, this mascot face off should actually be interesting. Sadly for LSU, their tigers are Purple and Yellow. There has never been a tiger with blue stripes, but at least pick ONE color that pertains to your mascot. And if you are going to dodge the natural colors of your mascot, AT LEAST switch to colors that don’t suck. Orange and Blue destroys Yellow and Pink… errr Purple.

Auburn wins the mojo face off, as Auburn’s running game can be slowed down but never stopped, which opens up the passing game where an emotionless shell of a what only appears to human Brandon Cox picks apart LSU’s secondary when needed. Muschamp will have the defense psyched and if LSU is able to score, they won’t be able to put up more than 6 on the board. This game will come down to special teams and coaching, both of which Auburn has the advantage. Auburn pulls another unimaginable upset in another low scoring affair where Wes Byrum puts in a perfect 3/3 performance and Auburn wins 11-3. (That’s right, I’m calling a safety too!)

Other predictions:

Kentucky vs. Florida
My initial call for this game was that Florida to win this game. But every time that I tried to make an argument against Kentucky, it turns out the opposite was true. I was going to accuse Kentucky of falling for the same trap of overconfidence that LSU was guilty of, but Kentucky knows they still have to climb some more before becoming content. Kentucky returns to a psyched home crowd (Though it sounded like they were hardly awake for the LSU game) and Florida is a shaky road team this season. Despite my initial instinct to call Florida to win this game, I think Florida won’t play well enough to knock off the Wildcats at home after a big win. Kentucky 31 – Florida 21.

Mississippi State vs. West Virginia
Freak upset of the week! The Bulldogs go on the road and shows Auburn how spanking a Big East team is supposed to be done. Finally, a Crooming that we can all enjoy. Miss State shows West Virginia what a defense is, and gets enough turnovers to go their way to pull of a head-spinning 21-18 win.

USC vs. Notre Dame
Haha, what a crappy game this turned out to be. USC takes their frustrations out on the Irish and wins by more than 40.

Tennessee vs. Alabama
I believe that it is morally and ethically wrong to even suggest that one of these teams is going to win. In this game, everyone loses… except maybe the terrorists, as the American Dream is crushed by the regionally televised clashing of two unparalleled evils. No prediction.

War Eagle!

E-mail Ryan at ryan@theauburner.com

No TV for the Ole Miss game. Not to fear though, the sponsor still has some tickets.