Vanderbilt Weekend Predictions
10-4-07
by: Ryan

Auburn vs. Vandy
This game is surprisingly scary. I feel like we are about to walk right into a trap, look at all the signs:

1) Auburn is terrible in morning games.

2) Auburn is coming off a huge win against Florida, and looking forward to two huge road games against Arkansas and LSU. That’s a whole lotta bread in this Vandy Sandwich. And you know how sandwiches taste when it’s all bread and no meat: disgusting.

3) Auburn in big games: unstoppable. Auburn against teams that are only there to get money: fantastic. Auburn against mid-level teams: shaky. There was a time when Auburn would use these games to run up the score just for the heck of it. Now we come out with a vanilla (named after Al Borges’ favorite ice cream) offense and hide all the good stuff from our more threatening opponents.

But don’t worry, there are still a lot of things going in favor of Auburn this Saturday:

1) Auburn is awesome

2) Vandy sucks

3) This game isn’t big enough for Lee Corso and Kirk Herbstreit to bother picking us to win, and we therefore won’t get jinxed.

4) Brad Lester is back. I will be furious if we throw the ball once the entire game. This game should be short and sweet.

5) Tray Blackmon

Auburn needs to show that they have in fact turned the season around. If Auburn isn’t up by two touchdowns by the end of the first half, then Auburn hasn’t really altered much to their philosophy and hasn’t turned the corner like we’d all like to believe. But then again, Auburn is on a two-game streak of exceeding expectations. The spread on this game is 7.5 points, which is a slap to the face. Auburn needs to win this game by at least three touchdowns if they want to be taken seriously. I would feel shaky about Auburn being able to pull that off, but the return of Brad Lester will spark our offense enough to get things seriously rolling in the first half. Auburn wins 37-13.

Kentucky vs. South Carolina
By the time you read this, the game will likely be over. So I run a very high risk of sounding stupid when making this prediction, but then again I run a high risk of sounding stupid every time I open my mouth, and I do that all the time. Kentucky has made a pretty surprising and pleasant run to start the season overcoming Louisville and Arkansas, both teams, however, have fallen off the face of the earth since. South Carolina beat a good Georgia team and did better than most gave them credit for against LSU. Kentucky has the better quarterback, but South Carolina has the better coach. I like seeing Kentucky do well this season, but the Cinderella story ends this week against South Carolina, whom will get the ball last (which will be enough in this game) in a high-scoring shootout. USC wins 44-38.

Oklahoma vs. Texas
This game is going to be “Ri-Dank-U-Dunk”. Neither of these teams lose very often, and now both programs are fighting for their pride. Hook ‘em Horns or Boomer Sooner? “Boomer Sooner” reminds me too much of the “Rammer Jammer Bammer Slammer Crammer” crap that Bama tries to pull off. Oklahoma borrows a bit of the Tide’s curse this week and looks terrible in a 22-11 loss to Texas.

Georgia vs. Tennessee
Georgia is on the road again, that means they are likely going to win. Tennessee is still coached by Phillip Fulmer and is therefore still sponsored by Satan, as we are now in the regretful portion of Fulmer’s contract with Satan, where Fulmer failed to read the small print indicating that after Satan fulfills his part of the deal (A National Championship) the team will be cursed to lose every big game for the rest of his tenure. Good wins over evil as Georgia ironically wins 66-6.

Cincinnati vs. Rutgers
I want a rematch with South Florida. Having a Big East win over Auburn is almost more devastating to me than a loss to Mississippi State. The Big East has replaced the Pac-10 as the conference I loathe the most. Cincinnati and Rutgers both ranked? How much pull does Lee Corso have on the polls? Neither team has played a team remotely close to being ranked. Why am I writing a prediction to a game for which I have no respect for either team? This game shouldn’t even warrant a prediction… so why am I writing this? I have been pulled into the conference hype trap. The terrorists (Gameday) have won. Rutgers wins 88-70 because neither team can play defense as far as I’m aware of. This would be a lot better if it were a basketball game.

Florida vs. LSU
This is a tough game to call. LSU has a shaky offense and Florida has the most explosive offense in the SEC, but LSU has the highest ranked defense in the nation right now, and Florida’s defense has been exposed two weeks in a row. It was thought that Florida might just be inconsistent on the road when they struggled against Ole Miss, but then followed with a loss at home to Auburn. However, in their defense, Auburn is awesome. I believe that Florida is in fact pretty weak on the road, but will be fueled by hatred toward Tigers. A hatred so thick that is renders them colorblind take it out the yellow and purple Tigers of LSU. LSU on the other hand, has yet to expose much of any weakness, other than their slow-to-start offense. I think that Florida will pull this one off. Would it be a typical year in the SEC if we didn’t knock out all our National Championship contenders in the first 6 weeks? Florida bounces back in a huge 28-20 road win.

E-mail Ryan at ryan@theauburner.com

Auburn football tickets (sponsor)